Fight

I was listening to NPR this morning; Mary Gross was interviewing Alonso Mourning about his fight with cancer.  He said he never asked "why me" ... but he did want to know "why now."  My entire body feels shaken to the core, a frozen palm slapping me into reality.  Questioning why me has led me blindly into a forgotten city, seething with anxiety and frustration without a route to escape.  There will never be an answer as to why I am so deeply affected by this, why my sensitivity level is supremely heightened surrounding my self-worth, so targeting positive thoughts is key to overcoming this disease.  

Resilience is the title of Mournings' memoirs.  Puppies and rubber bands come to mind when I hear this word, images I must learn to associate with myself.  I've started writing my own memoirs.  I told Mathias this weekend that I have a one-year plan.  I will work a part-time job while I dedicate one year of my life to writing.  During this time I will continue to send my short stories and other vignettes of my writing to publishing houses, and in March of 2009 I will attend the literary conference in Austin with my manuscript in tow.  My deadline is set.  I will crawl meagerly, blindly if I have to, to complete this goal only I have set for myself.