Risk food

Okay, so my sponsor is back in town (she went to the beach for a week), and she is adhering to the weekly risk food principle.  This is not a foreign concept to me.  At Ridgeview, we had a risk food every Friday after lunch which amounted to a Hershey's kiss or a bite of cake.  My list of excuses are proliferating.  She sent me an email this morning describing my homework for the week - to eat a 6 inch Subway sandwich on whole wheat bread with turkey, mayonnaise and cheese and a side of lowfat chips.  My mind hasn't stopped obsessing since I read the email at 8 this morning.  I haven't kept a sandwich in my body to digest for over ten years.  My first thought was, "Fuck no."  My second was, "I can conquer this goal if I go to yoga a week in a row," proving to myself I haven't overcome the obsessiveness of this disease.  

I want to be pushed.  I want to struggle.  So why am I fighting this?  THIS is my medicine.  Just take it.